


You

by fishcollective



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Ghost Jace, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic, doesn't have to be shippy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-07 02:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12831327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishcollective/pseuds/fishcollective
Summary: Jace is a ghost, trying to help Alec get through his mourning process.





	1. If you must wait...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of sequel to "If Aught But Death", but can definitely be read as a standalone.  
> Each chapter will be very short, but I kinda like to divide it like this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _...wait for them here in my arms as I shake_

Alec is waiting for the tears to come. He has cried once, only once. 

When he found Clary hunched over Jace’s bloodied body he had been angry, and then just empty. He had carried his parabatai through the portal himself, washed the body, and wrapped Jace in the white mourning shroud, shrugging off any and all offers of help. And not once did he let the tears fall. It wasn’t until he had done everything he could for his fallen parabatai, and locked himself in his office, that he had broken down. He had let the raw grief surge through his body. Shaking and crying and screaming, not caring who could hear him. But then, there was nothing yet again. 

He is now simply empty. The hole that Jace had left inside of Alec has expanded to the point that there is nothing left. Not even tears.

*

Jace is… not where he thought he would be. To be fair he had never really liked to think what would happen when he finally did die. Maybe it’d be some kind of heaven, some kind of hell, a different kind of afterlife, or simply nothing. But not this. He is simply still there. They have all seen a lot of strange things as shadowhunters, but Jace never exactly believed in ghosts. Stupid. Because here he is, separated from his body and his life. Being forced to watch his parabatai just sit on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall, wanting to cry but not being able to.

Jace first became aware of his new state when Alec, with a voice that only shook slightly, recited his name at the rite of mourning. He had found himself standing next to Alec at the front of the Great Hall at the Institute, looking out at the mourners all dressed in white. He had thought back on Jocelyn’s ceremony, not too long before, when he believed he had lost a mother he’d never known. Then, he had held on to Clary who could barely stand on her own, but during his own ceremony he could instead see her stand tall, steel in her eyes, with her hand tightly clasped around Izzy’s, supporting her friend in their shared grief. Maryse was there too, her usual elegant composure cracked by the tears streaming down her face. But beside him, Alec stood rigid and hollow. A whisper of the man he used to know. 

And that is who is sitting in front of him now, just staring. 

_Please, see me, Alec. I’m here. I’m right here._

But, of course, he doesn’t. Shaking, Jace sits down next to Alec, and puts his arms around him. It is almost like touching, _almost_. And, for now, it is enough.


	2. If you must weep...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _...do it right here in my bed as I sleep_

Alec finds himself in Jace’s old room for the second time since the rite of mourning. The first time he had gone in, it had been to retrieve something Jace had borrowed just before the world came crashing down around them. When Alec truly realised where he was he had backed out of the room, closed the door with a deep breath, and vowed to never go in again. Too many memories. 

Yet here he is again, willingly this time. He has pushed his grief aside for too long, closing himself off to the feeling of emptiness and longing inside. But enough is enough. So he goes to the one place he feels like Jace will still linger. Where his boots might still be tossed under a chair, and the sheets could still carry his scent. 

He looks around the room. It is so empty. So quiet. Not that Jace was a very loud person in life, but with his death it is as if the air itself has become thick and silencing. Alec can barely breathe. He lies down on the bed, tucks his knees to his chest, and buries his face against the pillows. He was right — they still carry a faint scent that is unmistakably Jace’s.

And finally, the tears start to fall.

 

*

 

_You came._

Jace isn’t tied to his former room, or even to the Institute, but he has been waiting for Alec to make his way back. For him to face the loss and deal with his grief, and Jace knows that this is the place. 

Alec always looked so big and strong, towering over everyone else, and forcing Jace onto his toes when going in for a hug. But now, in Jace’s bed, he looks like a child. Small and vulnerable, grief wracking his body in waved as he weeps. Jace lies down beside him, tucking Alec against his chest. He knows Alec can’t really feel it, but he hopes it might still help in some way. He closes his eyes and whispers against Alec’s hair.

_It’s okay. It’s going to be okay._


	3. If you must mourn, my love…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> … _mourn with the moon and the stars up above_

The roof of the Institute had always been a refuge for the two them in times of personal crisis. After particularly hard missions, deaths, breakups, fights with family or superiors… Tears had been shed, named screamed to be carried off by the wind, curses had been uttered to the sky, and knuckles beaten bloody against the stone parapet. Alec had shot countless arrows into the night. He had held Jace as he cried… he had held Jace. He would never get to do that again. He’d never get to take Jace’s shaking form into his arms, placing a soothing hand at the back of his head. He’d never get to press Jace against him, calming his racing heart with his own steady rhythm. And Jace would never be there to do the same to him.

Now, Alec is utterly alone. This was _their_ spot. Now it’s just _his_. 

He starts crying again. Once the dam finally broke as he lay curled up on Jace’s bed, it has been hard for him to stop. Whenever he’s alone, it’s as if the spot where their rune used to be burns again, and pulls at the emptiness inside. And he just lets go. He doesn’t let it consume him anymore, but still, he lets it out.

Looking up at the night sky, letting the breeze dry the salt on his cheeks, he sends a question to the heavens.

“Are you up there Jace? Among the stars?”

He knows it’s a silly and stupid query. But it would be nice, knowing his parabatai was truly somewhere better — maybe returning to the cosmos as stardust.

*

Jace doesn’t look up at the stars. He looks at Alec. He stares intently at the grief stricken eyes, with the pale moon reflecting in them. He focuses on the slumped shoulders, and the fists curled at Alec’s sides.

He stretches out a hand, willing Alec to relax his own so Jace can take it. To his surprise, Alec lets out a shuddering breath, drops his head, and uncurls his fists.

“Where are you?” he whispers into the dark.

_I am right here. Next to you. Always._

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics by Keaton Henson, _You_.


End file.
